Why Fireworks are Lame1

Fireworks have been around since the 12th century and have provided relative joy to billions, but are they really worth it, or just another example of our societies’ excessive lifestyle?

I’ve only seen fireworks a couple times in my life, and I really don’t see the allure after their first phallic eruption in the sky. They look identical every showing and provide no benefit, so why do we still go out of our way to see them? People seem to be so captivated by these bright lights, and that left me wondering what other species are intrigued by bright lights… moths and venison are the only things that really come to mind. I find that people who vocally express their astoundment with ooohs and aaaaahs are reminiscent of those who lined up in the front lines of war back in the day or, in modern times, watch Howie Mandel reality shows. Are we that easily amused?

Let’s take the social element out of the equation and see what we get. Toxins, nothing but pure chemical reactions which pollute the air and water for up to 80 days after each showing. Modern fireworks are still made from the same type of gunpowder which the Chinese invented over 800 years ago, and the metals in it obviously don’t make good compost after the show is done. In a city like Vancouver where so many people are pseudo-environmentalists, this certainly seems like a hypocritical omission of our new found ideologies.

I’ve spoken to people about why they go, and a common reason is that it’s an excuse to get drunk in public and have fun with friends. Alright, I can kind of understand that, but why must we create a 1.6 million person traffic jam which causes destruction, mass littering, public rowdiness and a strain on our civic resources, when we could manufacture our own private event which isn’t nearly as impactful on our environment or on our municipal wallet.

Just my thoughts.

- EVIL Patrick